Whew! This may be a triggering post for some as it was a triggering post for me to write.
Being A Single Mom
Most people might not know this because I have not been open about this topic. But I am finally ready to be transparent and stand in my truth.
I am a single mom!
Let’s take you all on a ride…
When I found out I was pregnant on February 14, 2019, I was elated. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. The first person I told was my sister because I tell her most if not everything.
Now I was in what I thought to be a committed relationship. So when I told my ex that we were expecting, he’s reaction was completely different from what I expected. At the time we were going on two years of being together and spoke about having children together and becoming a family on numerous occasions. So when I told him that I was five weeks pregnant although he wasn’t jumping for joy, he wasn’t mad about it or so I thought.
If you’ve read my pregnancy announcement post, you would know that I bleed for the entire first trimester and the beginning of the second trimester. I was pregnant with twins but miscarried one.
So according to him, he wasn’t ready just yet to be a father due to “financial hardships” but since I was having issues there was no way I was going to allow him to convince me to abort the pregnancy.
During the pregnancy, things started to change in our relationship. Instead of him being honest and ending the relationship, he choose to dabble in extracurricular activities. We were barely seeing each other let alone communicating. I truly went through my entire pregnancy without him being present. Honestly, if I wasn’t going through an imbalance of emotions due to being pregnant I probably would have noticed the changes quicker and ended the relationship myself. But pregnancy hormones are rough and wanting that “fairytale ending” of being a family was my number goal.
I won’t go into the specific details and all the drama and stress that happened when I was eight months pregnant. But it was truly a soap opera and at the time I could not believe I was forced to be part of it. All the lies and cheating and potential of another pregnancy was indeed stressful. But after being made aware of all that was going on, I knew then that my “fairytale ending” was no longer a reality. I was finally awakened and realized that I would be raising my child as a single mom and would forever have the title of ‘Baby Mother’.
Growing up and watching movies and even seeing it in real life, being a baby mother is somewhat of a stigma that I never wanted to be labeled as. When people think of baby mother they associate it with drama. And if you know me then you know I am not about the drama life. So, if you are not in my immediate circle then this would be the first time you are finding out that one, my child’s father and I are not together and two, I am a single mom.
I always thought that whenever I got pregnant, if I wasn’t married yet, I would ultimately marry the person I had a child with. However that is not my story. My story is raising my prince as a single mom with a strong ass village. And let me tell you that I am blessed to have the support of a village and if I ever need anything I can always call on them.
Being a single mom and knowing that everything is on your shoulders at the end of the day is tough. But honestly, I would not trade it to be stuck in a toxic environment for my child or myself.
Moving On – Healing
This past year I went through a bucket of emotions. See I have wanted to write this post for a long time but every single time I sat down, I became angry, filled with disappointment, confusion, embarrassed, frustrated…you name it! But this time, I have fully come to terms and I’m able to write with a peace of mind that one, it’s not my fault and two, coming to terms with being called a ‘Baby Mother’
At the end of the day I realized that HE choose to not commit to his child and that’s not on ME! It is not my responsibility to make him be an active participant in his child’s life. He will have to deal with that on his own. My job is to be a mom and make sure my child lives a happy life.
I am worthy!
I also realized that experiencing shame does not exclude me from being valuable! I am worthy! Failure is a part of my growth that I learned to accept. And I will never again be shamed to be a single mom because I have a wonderful son that I get to see grow up one day into a handsome man filled with all the principals that I will instill in him.
As a single mom, I am learning from my past mistakes, taking responsibility for my fault and going through the healing process to be a better person for myself and a better mom for my son.
Life is funny. It is messy. It is imperfect. But life is beautiful.
After a while I looked in the mirror and realized…wow after all those hurts, scars and bruises, after all of those trials, I really made it through. I did it! I survived that which was supposed to hurt me! So I straightened my crown…and walked away like a boss!! – Unknown
To all my single moms out there, walk with your head high! We are worthy! And if you need help be sure to call on your village. We all have a village that is waiting for us to ask for help. We can’t be everything and everyone to our child(ren), but we for sure will always be MOM!
Until the next post…
Live with purpose, Love with passion, Laugh with pleasure