Hey Y’all Hey! Kijan ou Ye! How are you doing?
So, I got the inspiration/courage to write this blog post when my good girlfriend Shirley decided to post a question box on her IG about worst thing an ex did to you. And when I tell you that there are trash ass men out there…just wow!
If you are a loyal reader here on All Things Simply Windy then you would know I’m a single mom and I opened up a little about my ex. I’ve been a bit hesitant to share this story publicly but now I’m ready. And if you want a back story head to my blog Being A Single Mom to read.
Now that you read that post, let’s dive in, shall we?
Worst thing an ex has done to you?
When I was 8 months pregnant, I found out that not only was the man I thought I was about to start a family with was cheating but had a whole fiancé.
Let me set up the picture for you…one early morning while we are driving to a prenatal appointment, his phone rings not once, not twice, but three times. And all three times he chooses not to answer the call. Now of course as a woman my spidey senses rises and I wrote down the number. I wait a few minutes and inquire why he didn’t pick up the call and how he know it wasn’t an emergency. He goes on to say trust me it’s not an emergency. And I go on to say the person called you three times back-to-back, early in the morning (it’s not even 8 o’clock) are you sure it’s not family or work. I kept on pestering because my soul knew something was up.
He finally reveals that the call was from someone he started seeing but ended things with. He reassures me that it was nothing, he was only seeing this person because he was anxious about having a baby, blah, blah, blah. I get irate, I let him know that my son will no longer have his last name, I’m crying, I’m angry, upset that the man I thought I was starting a family with cheated on me.
We arrive to my doctor’s office. I storm out of the car and check-in with the front desk. As I’m sitting there, 10 minutes go by and this fool still hasn’t walked into the office. I’m thinking it definitely doesn’t take that long to park. So, I call him and find out that this fool decides to drive off to give “me space” and not attend the prenatal appointment.
Now I’m livid! I go through the appointment and when I leave, I call the number.
She picks up.
I ask what are you to my ex?
She says I’m his fiancé. We just got engaged two weeks ago.
She says who are you?
I say…I’m his 8-month pregnant girlfriend
She starts to cry because she was also pregnant and he talked her into having an abortion and did not know anything about me.
In pain, there is learning, and in learning, there really is growth
After I ask for the timeline, she says they’ve been together for a year and she’s met all his friends and coworkers.
Call ends, I call him…and say you have a fiancé? And his response is you out here calling people! And hangs up!
I call back…phone goes straight to voicemail.
I call his co-workers wife and ask if she has met any other woman and she says no.
Fiancé calls me back 3 hrs later with a recording of a conversation he just had with her basically talking trash about me and saying I was nothing to him. She even told me that he had invited her to my baby shower that was to take place two weeks later. I laughed in her face and I was stunned how matter a fact she was being to a pregnant woman.
At this point, I’m like oh okay fiancé, you can have him because there is no way I am fighting over a trash ass man. And if he can do this to his pregnant girlfriend, trust and believe he will do this to you too. But she was on cloud nine and felt like she won a prize.
I am now finally able to get in touch with him.
Now, I’m cold, I no longer care, tears have been falling all day and now they are dried up.
I say you can throw everything I have at your place out. We are done officially because obviously you are getting married and I’m not about that life. All I ask is that you are a part of your son’s life.
Fast forward to my baby shower…
He comes to pick me up without the fiancé
This is the first time we are seeing each other after all that went down
This fool comes in for a kiss & hug and acts like nothing happened. He says he was having a mid-life crisis and the fiancé doesn’t mean anything. He continues on to say that relationship is over and meant nothing. He didn’t want me to tell my family anything about what happened and wanted to make things work by having my son and I move in after the birth.
I’ve never had someone disrespect me like this. And on top of it I was pregnant. So the amount of shame I felt, the amount of stress this caused on my body, I felt like I was at my lowest and didn’t know my worth.
But if you read Being A Single Mom, you know the ending of this story.
Ultimately, I’m happy that I followed my instincts and made that call. That call changed my life. If I didn’t make the call, who know what demons I would be fighting and where I would be at.
Ladies, never let a man have power over you and try to manipulate you into being in a situation that deep down in your soul you know will become toxic.
And always, always follow your instincts.
This was my soap opera.
Be sure to heal from your past so that you don’t let your past traumas affect you and your future. Also forgive yourself! Forgiving yourself because we always start to blame ourselves for being in toxic situations. That is where the true healing comes from – forgiveness.
The best revenge is healing yourself and loving yourself and moving on happily. Do the work to heal and set boundaries.
Chit chat with me in the comments and tell me the worst thing an ex has done to you.
Until the next post…
Live with purpose, Love with passion, Laugh with pleasure